3 times this week I’ve attempted to leave town just east of the United Church. Three times I hit the detour sign. I’m not going to lie, my emotional temperature went up every time. Not a lot, I can talk myself down pretty quickly, but I felt it.
How have you been doing? Rebuilding has become our norm, are you in the flow with it? Is it getting under your skin? Anybody been experiencing ‘rebuild rage’? What do we do with that?
Here’s what I know. On the days that I’ve taken the time to either meditate or exercise – even a tiny bit (my favorite kind of workout) I do better. If I’m not in a rush, I do better. If I settle into it or even see it as an adventure I do better. I’ve done that – I’ve pretended I’m in a virtual reality game “getting out of High River”. When I say do better I mean feel better.
I remember going to a meeting a couple of years ago and there was a MASSIVE hole in front of that same United Church (remember that?) – I was shocked – not by the hole, but by my reaction. It was neutral, it was “Oh, there’s a hole, where will I go to park?” At that time it felt like a total norm but as time goes by the idea of rebuilding wears thin.
Driving around in a rage is a poor idea for a lot of reasons, coming home in a rage is not helpful, getting to work wanting to explode is also not going to go well. So what can we do?
5 ways to overcome the rebuild rage (or any rage for that matter)
- Our feelings are just like the alerts on the dashboard of our vehicles. They are attention getters. If we don’t stop and look under the hood they are probably going to continue, get more intense – if we ignore it too long we might just break down.
- Listen to the story behind the feeling, give yourself some space to vent either to yourself or someone you trust not to feed your rant “Okay, I just need to get this out”. What are you telling yourself? “this is just wrong!” “this has gone on too long” “I can’t take this any longer”.
These first two steps – name it to tame it and notice the story – will turn the heat down considerably.
- Decide if you want to keep it going. Are you going to stoke the fire? Sometimes we just need a good old rage (or a good old cry), if so – try to let it out in a way that won’t cause collateral damage. Use it constructively – if you come to my house and its clean there’s a good chance I’ve been mad.
- If you are ready to feel something else, something better, open up.
Physically: take a breath, try to see how much you can see peripherally and/or relax your muscles (contracting them really tight and then loosening works good). Movement is a good way to release those pent up emotions.
Emotionally: notice more feelings – “I’m mad, and I’m afraid and I’m frustrated, and I’m also grateful that this is getting done” Don’t make yourself small, you can hold a lot of things at once.
Socially: Talk to someone, go connect and join in some kind of activity with other people. Get involved, the more you are a part of making the community better the more #HighRiverPatient you will be.
Spiritually: Pray. Have a conversation with something bigger than us.
Mentally: Use that brain to rationalize what you are mad at, can you see more of the story? Can you see other points of view? Can you let your inner coach have some air time – “well, you know this won’t last forever”. Think about how you would talk to your best friend and talk to yourself like that. Reframe, ‘this is happening for me – not to me’. Is the detour or slow down bringing you anything you would have missed otherwise (by having to go by 7-11 I will be able to get a slurpee!)
- Be easy on yourself. You are human. You are normal, we all have a lot going on.
As much as the detours, the waiting, the change to my regular driving routine has been challenging I’m also noticing how incredibly beautiful our town is. The trees, the black lampposts with the large white flowered hanging baskets and so many of the beautiful buildings make it easy to see why so many films find themselves here.
Finally, we are all in this together. Do you have a strategy that’s worked for you? At the end of day, if all else fails – look for the humour, it’s always there.
